Happily Ever Afterlife/Transcript
DISCLAIMER KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (Scene opens up with Krillin, Master Roshi, and Bulma lamenting over the loss of Goku.) MASTER ROSHI: Well, Goku has passed. But his sacrifice has stopped a great evil. (Krillin picks up Gohan's hat) Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once more. NAPPA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Raaditz? Raaaaaditz? (Krillin and Bulma look at Raditz's scouter.) MASTER ROSHI: What the hell is that? NAPPA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Guy-who's-as-strong-as-a-Saibaman says "What?" ...That usually gets to him; I think he's dead, Vegeta. VEGETA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Big shocker! Nobody cares! We're ten times stronger than him anyway! We'll go to Earth, find the Dragon Balls, and kill everyone! And we'll be there within a year or so—depending on filler, of course. NAPPA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Anything else we need to go over, Vegeta? VEGETA: (speaking through Raditz's scouter) Nnnope, that's about it. MASTER ROSHI: Well, fu— (opening sequence) (Scene shifts to a wasteland where Piccolo is talking to Gohan.) PICCOLO: Alright, you little human... Saiyan... thing. I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there; that kind of power can be useful. GOHAN: Wh-what do you mean? PICCOLO: I'm going to make you my pupil. And then, I'll use YOU for my conquest to take over the world. GOHAN: But-but where's my daddy? PICCOLO: Hate to tell you, kid, but your dad's dead! ...Actually I kind of like saying that. Haha! Your dad's dead—''(Gohan starts crying)'' Ah. Damn it. This is why I hang out in wastelands... (Scene changes to the front of the Check-In Station.) HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: (through bullhorn) Hello! Welcome to the heavenly Check-In Station! Please no cutting in line! If you are caught cutting in line, you will be sent straight to Hell! (Scene shifts to inside Yemma's office. Kami is seen touching Goku's shoulder while talking in a wheezy voice.) KAMI: And so, we need Goku here to get to King Kai's for his masterful training, Lord Yemma. KING YEMMA: Give me one good reason I should allow this. KAMI: Because, if you don't, (camera cuts the entrance of Yemma's office showing a group of dead souls along with an attendant) that line’s going increase by six billion! KING YEMMA: Six billion?! I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion?! Please, I can judge six billion souls faster than you take a piss, old man! KAMI: You know, I am the guardian of Earth. Can I please get a little bit more respect here? KING YEMMA: Big deal! I'm the closest thing to a God in this show—until you get to the Kais—then, I'll be horribly insignificant. I do have a desk though! It's made of mahogany! Ma-ho-gany. KAMI: Uhhhh anyway, can we please— KING YEMMA: SILENCE!!! (both Goku and Kami are surprised and keeps quiet) KING YEMMA: (whispering) Mahogany. KAMI: Umm... Sir? KING YEMMA: Wh-what? Oh-uh sure, whatever. He can go to King Kai's, but he'll have to run on (in an echoing voice) SNAAAAKE WAAAAY!!! (sound clip from "Gustav Holst's Mars: the Bringer of War" plays) GOKU: Sounds fun! KING YEMMA: Prepare to be surprised. GOKU: (nods) Alright, I'm off! (begins to leave but stops) Oh wait. By the way, did you see a guy named Raditz come through here? (King Yemma begins flipping pages from a book) He has spiky hair and a tail? KING YEMMA: Oh yeah, I remember that guy. I put him in my patented Yammalock! GOKU: And it worked? KING YEMMA: F**K NO! He kicked me in the balls and ran away! Now I don't know where he is! (Scene cuts away to Raditz with a halo.) RADITZ: He didn't keep his eye on the birdie! (Scene cuts back to Goku.) GOKU: Huh, okay. Well bye! (leaves Yemma's office) KING YEMMA: See ya next time you die! (Kami glares at King Yemma) KING YEMMA: (in a soft voice) ...Mahogany. (Scene change to Kame House.) MASTER ROSHI: So Krillin, how did Chi-Chi take the news? KRILLIN: Um.... (flashback to Krillin's conversation with Chi-Chi and the Ox King) CHI-CHI: Well Krillin. What did you need to talk about? KRILLIN: So, Chi-Chi. Hypothetically: what would you do if you were told that your husband was dead; and your son were kidnapped by his worst enemy? CHI-CHI: I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife! KRILLIN: Oh. ...Then it's a good thing I'm not telling you that! (both Krillin and Chi-Chi laugh) CHI-CHI: Would you like to spend the night? KRILLIN: Aaagainst my better judgment. (Scene changes to an outside view of Goku's house at nighttime. Camera cuts to a bedroom with the Ox King is snoring loudly while Krillin tries to sneaks out of the house, but shrieks as he hears a sound of someone sharpening a knife.) CHI-CHI: ♪''Kriiillin, where are yoooouuuu?''♪ (Scene changes to a roadway, where Krillin quickly drives his car towards the screen while screaming.) (scene changes back inside Kame House) KRILLIN: Relatively well. BULMA: So, are you going to gather the other Z-Warriors and go train with Kami? KRILLIN: The Who-Warriors? BULMA: (with a scouter on her face) The Z-Warriors: (text on the bottom reads: Where'd that scouter come from?) You, Goku, Tien, Yamcha, Chiaotzu. That's what we always call you guys! KRILLIN: That's the stupidest thing I've ever— CHI-CHI: (offscreen) KRILLIN!!! (camera cuts to Chi-Chi angrily driving towards Kame House) Where the hell are you?! KRILLIN: (quickly) ''Well, I'm off to gather the Z-Warriors! Bye! ''(Scene changes to another roadway with, where Krillin quickly drives his car away from the screen while screaming.) (Scene changes to wastelands, where Piccolo is talking to Gohan.) PICCOLO: Listen up, runt! Today we're going to commence your intense training under me! GOHAN: But wait, wouldn't that cause horrible muscle degeneration for somebody my age? Crippling me for years to come? PICCOLO: ...You're a wordy little bastard, aren't you? GOHAN: My mom wants me to become an ortho— PICCOLO: NEEEEERD!!! GOHAN: Wh-what? PICCOLO: Anyway, I've figured to unleash your hidden potential, I'd have to put you in immense physical danger. So I'm gonna through you at that mountain. GOHAN: Actually, that looks more like a pla—''(Piccolo throws Gohan)TEAAAAAAA— '''PICCOLO:' (thinking to himself) Any second now. GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— PICCOLO: (thinking to himself) Here it comes. GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— PICCOLO: (thinking to himself) And— GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— (a splattering sound is heard with Gohan crying offscreen) PICCOLO: Uugh. (Piccolo begins walking towards a crying Gohan.) PICCOLO: (thinking to himself) This is gonna be a loooooooong training session. (Scene change to the entrance to Snake Way.) HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: Alright, Mr. Muscle Man. Here you are at Snake Way. Now you might want to pack a lunch, 'cause it's going to be a long run. Nah, I'm just joking; you're not going to be eating nothing. GOKU: (noticing how long Snake Way is) Wow! That looks like it's going to take me a while. HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: Now be careful running—you don't want to fall off and die. That's just a little bit of dead humor. But seriously, do not fall off or you will go to Hell. GOKU: Has anyone ever run the whole thing before? HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: Well, there was one man. GOKU: Well, who was he? HEAVENLY ATTENDANT: (writing something in a book) I believe his name was— (Scene change to Kami's lookout.) KAMI: Mr. Popo! MR. POPO: Yes, Kami? KAMI: I just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming! Make sure you take good care of them! (Mr. Popo starts laughing evilly while the camera begins to zoom in to his face, with music from a horror film playing by the time the camera focuses on his eyes. The camera begins to slowly fade into black.) (ending sequence) STINGER KING YEMMA: And not just any mahogany, (shows a planet named Malchior 7) but mahogany from the planet, Malchior 7! (shows a tree, which suddenly breathes fire) Where the trees are three-hundred feet tall and breathe fire! (scene shifts back to Yemma's office) KING YEMMA: From these trees, this desk was forged 2,000 years ago! Using ancient blood-rituals of the Malchior people! (shows a group of Malchior people all with the heads of Lanipator grunting) (scene shifts back to Yemma's office) KING YEMMA: Not only does this make my desk nigh indestructible, but it can bend the fabric of the universe itself! Also, it's a very fine material—very expensive. KAMI: Ooookay? KING YEMMA: ''(quickly)'' Mahogany. Category:DBZA Transcripts